Relationship Therapy/Couples Counselling

Being in a relationship is the quickest and most effective way to grow as a human or to send you into despair. The process of fully being yourself and being connected in a shared relationship can be totally fulfilling yet it is a tricky balance which sometimes ends up feeling like you are in a knot or knots!

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The relationship space where two people meet and share connection can end up being a communication space of conflict, high emotions, frustration and confusion.

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I find many couples are communicating in a survival mode and don't realise it. The same argument seem to be repeated and this fuels resentment and frustration.

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It could be that an outside event (e.g. grief, porn use, sex issue, family drama) has created conflict in your relationship.

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I have expertise in noticing where the unbalance lies, triggers are and the underlying issues, from this offering techniques to untie the knot (s). 

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 I aim to be non-biased to work out the blocks for the growth of the relationship as this is different to working with each individual. 

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Becoming aware of what is underneath conflict is the first step to creating some understanding and peace.  

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Many couples benefit from some individual sessions to release emotional tension and heal trauma which is impacting the relationship. 

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Individual work

Trauma (Sexual & Non-sexual)

Trauma affects most relationships, if not all, and creates issues.  It could originate in the form of childhood neglect, abandonment or early rejection. From the death of a parent in childhood (open, historic trauma) to body shaming (covert trauma) or sexual trauma (mix of historic, overt or covert trauma). You may even have PTSD. Trauma comes into most sessions in some form.

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With any trauma, in particularly sexual trauma, is so important that you feel you can trust me so the sessions may not start with the trauma. It is totally up to you. I want to be led by you and get to know you to build a trusting relationship. It may be useful to work on a somatic level with breath and soothing techniques first which will allow you to release some of the trauma then talk about it. You may never want to talk about it at all. In this case, I can support you to release the emotions and heal the trauma without words or a retelling of the story.

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It is worth noting that I do not repeatedly go back into stories as that does not support healing.

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Grief & Loss

Grief and loss comes up in all relationship work. Grief needs to be expressed otherwise it can impact health and communication in your relationship. Loss is part of everyday life and small losses can trigger other losses that have not been emotionally expressed. 

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Any grief or loss that is unexpressed has like a build up affect. It is called accumulative grief. I learnt a great deal about grief & loss working in Alder Hey Hospital with clients who had been affected by child death. Most significantly, I learnt that in every crisis/death there is also an opportunity to use this energy to be of service to yourself or another in a deeply meaningful and profound way.

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When you have had a death of a loved one as a child this affects all relationships if the grief is unexpressed. Grief blocks love so it is then hard to feel connected to your loved one and use this connection in a beautiful way in your relationships.  I can help you reconnect you to your loved one, find ways to honour them and use their loving energy in your life.  

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Men's Issues & Porn/Sex Compulsivity 

I work a lot with men around issues related to grief, loss, porn use, sex/porn compulsion (addiction), infidelity, sexual anxiety, sexual performance issues, problems getting into relationships, communicating and expressing self in relationships.

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I have compassion for men and the issues they face. There seems to be a lot of support for women but not as much for men. It is not as socially or culturally acceptable to express emotions or to seek help. Plus most are unaware of the dynamics of masculine and feminine energy so end up in relationships where they are not the masculine lead and feel powerless.

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I often hear men say 'I wish I had booked earlier'. I have witnessed men cry in relief and leave sessions with a far better understanding of themselves and their situation. This is powerful and may take just one or two sessions to open up space for a greater level of self-freedom and improved connection with others. A recent review from a male client after the initial 1 1/2hr session.